One of my favorite singers growing up was Kenny Chesney, he has a wonderful song called "Who you'd be today" that's playing right now over Pandora! I was trying to think of a post for today and realized I'm spouting out all of this information about "falling in love" without any background on who I am. A big part of who you are is who you were and where you've been. This song holds special meaning for me because it brings me back to Racheal, a dear friend of mine who taught me what it means to be in love. Everyone has someone who points them to God, for Samuel it was Eli, for Peter it was Jesus, for me it was Racheal.
2009 was a rough year for me, to put it lightly, it was like I struck out so hard that I spun around 360' and fell face first in the dirt. I recently graduated college and moved up to NJ for a job. In the next 18 months I would move 5 times, back and forth from South Jersey to NYC. I was working, playing semi-professional soccer, going out, catching up with family, living the good life; yet deep down inside never truly satisfied. There were signs all around telling me to slow down you're going too fast; stop and think what you're doing. Being the brilliant, hard-headed person that I am I blew by these signs at 100 mph. It all came crashing to a complete stop one evening when I made one of the worst decisions in my life, and I got a DUI. From then on my life as I knew it was over. Racheal and I played high school soccer together, she was my sister's age (a year younger than I was) with a contagious smile and a genuine heart. She was the player that was so excited to be sitting on the bench, let alone get in the game or score a goal. She was always so positive and encouraging, and she was a fan of mine. No matter what she did, she did it with a 100%, it's no surprise to me that when she was diagnosed with a tumor and later cancer (or vice versa) she went to battle! Racheal was diagnosed when I was away at college. We kept in contact through letters (yes, those things you write with pen and paper). I stopped by to see her a couple times when I was in town, but not as often as I wanted to. I was scared, ashamed I didn't give her more time, and guilty that she had to go through all of this. What I couldn't see was that God was calling her to something more! As I went to court and dealt with my DUI, I realized I had to go to the one place I never wanted to go back to, I had to go home to Jacksonville. I had no other place to go, no money, and no vision to what was ahead. I had hit rock bottom. "When you realize that Jesus is all you need Jesus is all you have, and when Jesus is all you have you realize that Jesus is all you've ever needed!!" Let that sink in for a moment. As I moved home to Jacksonville in September, I lost my grandmother October 3rd and Racheal October 30th. Darkness surrounded me, I was so lost. I didn't know where to turn and who to turn to. In Jacksonville there is a 24hr adoration chapel (where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed), where we can go to see Jesus face to face. It was there, face down, covered in tears, lost, unworthy, empty, longing for meaning and love, that I found my relationship with Christ. Racheal put a new meaning on suffering. She adopted the verse Isaiah 53:5 "He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquity. He bore the punishment that makes us whole, and by his wounds we were healed." She believed that if God willed it, she would be healed. She fought the good fight, she loved, and smiled, she stayed strong and courageous when most of us would have caved in, and she looked to Christ to be her Savior instead of trying to save herself. She showed me what it meant to fall in love with Jesus and trust that there is no one out of his grasp. She was convicted of God's love for her and by the way she lived her life she convicted others of that same love! Racheal's believers are what they call themselves and you can find them wearing lime green bracelets or living Jesus in their community!! So when 'Who you'd be today' comes on the radio, it's hard for me to imagine who Racheal would be in this earthly life, but I know that she is a saint in Heaven! I never imagined I'd be where I am today, given the opportunity to publicly speak about my relationship with Jesus and called to share that with others; to be a light where some only see darkness, to love with no limits, no boundaries, no prerequisites or disqualifications, to love without fear. I am forever grateful that I have lived among saints in my life, St. John Paul the Great, St. John XXIII, Blessed Mother Teresa, and Racheal. I look forward to the day I can thank Racheal for showing me that my God wants so much more than just religion, he wants my heart. And he wants your heart! Fast forward 5 years, ask yourself 'Who would you be today' and where is God in all of this? Who are you living for?
A while ago someone asked me 'do you have a life verse?' I replied 'um, a what?'. He simply chuckled and said 'something that God has spoken in your heart, your mission for the world, the mission God has given to you!'. God uses all different kinds of ways to speak to us, but he gave us the most accurate love story of all time, when he gave us the bible! He gave us our love story. You want to know how live check out Moses and the 10 commandments, you need some encouragement look to the Psalms of David, you need some Wisdom we have a book for that, struggling and wondering if it's ever going to get better flip to Job and see how he dealt with things. Often as Catholics we leave the bible to our Protestant brothers and sisters who can recite it on point, so when my priest friend and convert asked if I had a life verse he wasn't in the least bit surprised that I was like 'um, a what?'. Do you have one? I have a great love for baseball and I know I've heard many places before that baseball can teach you a lot about life. I'm a die hard Yankees fan so it's no surprise that one of my favorite quotes comes from Babe Ruth! "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game". When I was a kid I payed baseball and batting was one of my favorite parts, but I would get up to bat and get so scared of getting hit by the ball. One day, I went up to bat, stood in the batter's box and here came a ball about 70 mph right for me. Sometimes we allow fear to rule us, to take over what we know to be true, beautiful, and good. For me, this wasn't just about baseball, but this stemmed into my life as well. I allowed fear to swallow me whole, to put me in a box and tell me I wasn't good enough, to take me farther away from who I was created to be and down a path that led to poor decisions and despair. All my life, I've longed to be loved by everyone. I didn't want to upset anyone, I found my value in what others believed of me instead of what I knew to be true. When I decided to start my search in the one thing that had been with me since I was created in the womb, I soon realized that love was not about an ooeey gooey feeling. Love was about God. Love was what I was created for, love is my vocation. The only thing bigger than fear is LOVE, and if God is love than God is bigger than fear and God is who I would seek to perfect my love! He is the one I will seek for approval, he is the one that I long to be loved by, to increase my love for him. SO now I ask you, do you have a life verse? 'A what?' haha a life verse. Your mission from God, your example for others that is seen by how you live your life. How do you find it? Pray about it? Ask God to reveal your mission to you, and ask him to be clear; then open the bible and start reading it! We also have advantages these days such as social media and people posting, updating, or tweeting verses that stand out to them for the day or for their meditation. Pay ATTENTION! If you see a verse or quote come up multiple times, write it down, research it (see if the quote actually has some form in the bible, bet it does!) take it to God, what is he saying, how does it affect you? Keep track and just when you think it won't happen or this life verse stuff is whack you'll see a verse that captures your attention and you will say 'THAT'S IT'. You'll see it! Don't be afraid to test it out, it's something that you'll be living by, will it fit your lifestyle!? After much prayer and searching, I found mine "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love." 1 John 4:18 2015 is here upon us, many of us have made resolutions to not make resolutions. We've made goals, we've failed goals already and it's only Jan 9th! I challenge you to find God's will in your life, to find God's love in your life, to allow God to resonate through you that others may see HIS light within you and the way you live your life. What is it that he is calling you to? How does he want to enhance your life? We're all seeking to be loved, when was the last time you picked up His love story for you?
Racheal and I played high school soccer together, she was my sister's age (a year younger than I was) with a contagious smile and a genuine heart. She was the player that was so excited to be sitting on the bench, let alone get in the game or score a goal. She was always so positive and encouraging, and she was a fan of mine. No matter what she did, she did it with a 100%, it's no surprise to me that when she was diagnosed with a tumor and later cancer (or vice versa) she went to battle! Racheal was diagnosed when I was away at college. We kept in contact through letters (yes, those things you write with pen and paper). I stopped by to see her a couple times when I was in town, but not as often as I wanted to. I was scared, ashamed I didn't give her more time, and guilty that she had to go through all of this. What I couldn't see was that God was calling her to something more!
