Cross-Fit or Crossfit

My life is a constant cross, whether it is church or Crossfit, the cross is always present.  As I’ve discerned how to write this blog I never knew how to do it justice.  The funny thing is Christ calls us to live out the cross, to love God and to love neighbor, one doesn’t work without the other; so why should my life be any different.  My hopes in this article is that you realize the things that matter in our life often carry the same characteristics to be successful; perseverance, determination, failure, and action.

Crossfit is something I found when I returned back to NC, and as a life-long athlete, I fell in love instantly.  I wanted to be great at everything right away.  If you know anything about athletics though, you know that instantaneous results do not happen!  You have your strengths, like I can lift heavy weights, and you have your weaknesses, like handstand pushups and pull-ups (in Crossfit language gymnastics moves).  Gymnastics moves for a piggy like me (a familial term we use lovinglyJ) are a bust! I can move heavy weights because I’m thick, but bodyweight exercises for me are like moving frozen molasses, it takes a WHILE!

My Catholic faith has a similar story, except the timeline is a bit longer.  I was born Catholic, went to Mass and CCD every weekend growing up, received the sacraments, yet was missing a key component, the relationship part.  I had half a plank to the cross, love others part.  It was easy for me to love others, as long as they weren’t the piggies aka my sisters.  I loved God, but mostly felt like I loved him because it was the right thing to do, not because I was in love with him.  I had a little cross I guess you can say, half a plank either way.  When I was about 23, this all changed.  I continued to go to Mass, but I searched for more.  I desired to be in love, and I was in love with a lot of the wrong things; boys, feelings, partying.  I was knocked down, dirty, and guilty, when God asked me if I was done yet? I’m Irish/Italian American so naturally it took me a while to realize, my life is meant for more.  If you are or have struggled with your faith, you know that it, too, does NOT happen over night! 

The beach has always been the place for me to find peace, to look out into the ocean and know that no matter what was happening in life, God is bigger.  I went to the beach the other day, sat back and was in awe of God’s creation.  I wanted to capture it, in my mind, with a picture, anything to sum up God’s love for me.  When my mom came down I asked her to take a picture, we took like 100, of me doing a handstand, a freestanding piggy upside down!  The sun was setting behind me, the ocean beautiful as always, and me upside down, doing something it took months to master, and in 5 long seconds (or minutes), we captured it, cross-fit or Crossfit. 

You see God wants to be present in everything with you; he wants to be in love with you.  Anyone who has been in love knows that love never fails; we often do, we fail, but it’s not the failure that defines us, it’s what you do after, and that’s CHARACTER.  Perseverance is getting up when everyone is counting you out, determination is telling you to get up, and action is what you do every day when you pursue greatness.  Greatness looks differently for everyone, cross-fit or Crossfit (though I may never compete in the games), my greatness comes from glorifying God through it all.  

--Live Love--

*do not own any rights to Crossfit (I am a Level 1 Trainer)

Our Greatest Task

Another early morning at the gym and an interesting conversation sparked my heart so deep that I feel the need to share.  As a woman, I struggle with self-everything; esteem, body image, worth, dignity.  The list can go on and on and it did, until I realized that all of these things cannot be filled or taken away by anyone, including myself.  They were given to me by my creater out of love, for love.  He created women with what some call feminine genius.  Me, a genius, I don't think so, but God, he does.  He created us as helpers, as complimentary to men, to fulfill a specific purpose; to help lead each other to HEAVEN.

With that being said, ladies can we please start living this way?  Can we reclaim our dignity and worth that we continue to throw away to the lowest bidder (ourselves included)?  A simple man by the name of Karol Wojtyla said these profound words, "The task of every MAN is the dignity of every WOMAN, and the task of EVERY woman is the dignity of EVERY man". wow. 

This starts with how you see yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, and it carries into how you dress, how you speak to others, and the relationships that you have.  As women we need to reclaim our feminity, our true strength.  I don't need a man to pick something up for me, heck I just front squatted 200 lbs, I think I can pick it up myself thank you; however, I would like a man to open the door.  I don't need him to pay, I have my own jobs and have been on my own for a long time, but I would like for him too.  I don't need him to take me to church, I can drive, but he better be taking his tail too!  It's not a need that I have, it's a desire.  It's a desire to grow in holiness with another person, to have a running partner along this faith journey towards our final destination.  It's a desire for friendships that hold me accountable to the big guy upstairs, not the guy sitting across the room or the table from me.  It's a desire for women to flourish in their feminine genius and for the men of God to rise up and lead us.  

SO I challenge you today, no matter where you've been, what you've done, how good you are, or how much you've thrown your dignity to the wind, RECLAIM IT!  You don't have to earn it , you don't have to buy it back, you don't have to go searching for it, you simply need to identify that it is yours.  PROTECT it.  Become a man or woman who fights for truth and leads others to the truth.  We spend so much time trying to build walls thinking that we are protecting ourselves, but in reality we are really imprisoning oursevles.  In protection, we become transparent.  Your transparency will create a vulnerability that will encourage others to be vulnerable too and it's in that vulnerability that we can most grow with one another!  

Lastly, build holy friendships.  Men and women can and should be friends, holy friends; friends that want the other person to become the best version of themselves, friends that want others to be cruising into heaven with them.  It's no good for us to be alone, so surround yourself with those who will lift you up.

 "The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves.  The resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.  If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them" --Thomas Merton

--Live Love--

Breathe, just breathe.

Lately, I find myself gasping for air.  I have this uncanny ability to bury myself in work, in serving others, in traveling, in staying so busy that eating and sleeping are something that I do because I have to, instead of because I actually enjoy both of these activities. I turned on the radio the other day (shocker I know) and this song literally took my breath away.  I found myself breathing hard, like I just came up for air out of the ocean.  Many times we as humans tend to think that we have to do everything, be everywhere, love everyone, and say yes to every opportunity to do something. Breathe. Just BREATHE.  I challenge you to take a deep breath, one where you can smell what's around you; the fresh cut grass, the dew in the early morning, the smog in the air, the stuffiness of the office cubicle.  What comes to mind? Are you thankful to be breathing or are you not paying attention to the small details?

When we get consumed by our life, we lose sight of what's most important, we lose why we're even here in the first place.  Something as simple as breathing becomes difficult or it becomes a chore.  We forget to cherish it.  Ask a lung patient who struggles to breathe how much they appreciate air.  Ask a new mother how much they appreciate 5 minutes of silence to simply breathe between nursing and diaper changes.  There's this great quote I saw somewhere that says "When you want to be successful as much as you want to breathe, you will be successful".  But what if your success is the reason you can't breathe?  What if you're working so hard, pursuing that endless goal of financial freedom or vacations or the next best thing that your breath is vanishing as fast as it appears?

As I found myself gasping for air, I realized that I was running around like a madwoman because I was scared of the silence, of being still.  I don't want to miss a thing, I want to be present to everyone, I want to do God's will, I want to help people, I want to share with them this simple truth "You are loved".  In Luke 10:20 is says rejoice for your name is written in Heaven!  EXHALE!  My name is written in Heaven; that means all this working, this battling, this breathing without reason or purpose, or giving more of myself than I can physically handle is for who?  I realized that it was for me.  As much as I wanted it to be about others, about God, it was for me.  I often tell people you can't give what you don't have, but my gosh how often do we TRY!? 

So once again, I've surrendered!  I'm throwing in the towel, of what I know and taking the advice of a great movie I just watched (War Room); I'm going to God to create my battle plan.  I will slow down to take a deep breath every day, to appreciate the people around me, and to allow God to love me so that I may love others. We are called to be a light in this world of darkness, how can you become God's light in someone's darkness today?  My prayer for you is that you know how loved you are, not because of something you've done or will do, not because you got all the things on your list done or you exceeded that list, but because you are you!  How freeing is that?  You are loved!  May you take a deep breath and accept the reality of that statement.

Every now and then God allows us a glimpse of himself, won't you be that glimpse for someone else?!

--LIve Jesus--

Live in Love

I remember these days as if it were yesterday, waiting for the subway in the snow, in the rain; boarding a train at 4:30am for the hour or so hike to downtown Manhattan from the second to last stop in the Bronx.  Long hours, long days, running through a city where the whole city is moving at a 100 mph and if you're not paying attention it would be very easy to get lost or swallowed up.  I remember standing on the platform asking myself 'what am I doing with my life?' and 'would anyone even notice if I didn't show up?'.  I quickly figured out that people don't make it in NYC because they can't make enough money; my theory is people don't make it in NYC because they can't develop meaningful relationships with other people on more than a superficial level.  Sure they can meet the same people at happy hour, or with their running club, or at a business party, but are they actually going into conversations deeper then work or the gym?  Then I realized, it's not only NYC that has this problem, it's everywhere.

We're humans, we desire from the depths of our hearts to be in relationship with others.  We desire to be fully known, to be fully loved.  We feel empty because we build walls up to keep people out and we end up imprisoning ourselves.  We get so comfortable with casual conversation because we don't want to conflict with someone on our beliefs or fear the unkown.  We're not confident in who we are and we forget whose we are.  My question to you, is how can you know who you are if you don't know whose you are?  

It took me a while to figure this one out.  To figure out that I am not defined by what others think, or feel, or know about me; I'm not defined by my weight, or my beauty, or my intelligence.  My dignity depends on nothing I say or do, my worth cannot increase or decrease; the love I ache for cannot be bought and will not be lost.  God has created me perfect in his image, I am fearfully and wonderfully made with a mission that only I have (you too have this). I was made with love, for love; "You are fully known by the author of space and time" (JJ Heller).

How awesome it that?  Overflowing with peace and joy, I can fulfill my mission in this world when I recognize that.  I can be exactly what God wants me to be because I know that with him all things are possible.  A friend of mine recently said, being content is peaceful and priceless.  Every day is a battle for me, a complete surrender of the things I want to tell myself to the things God wants me to hear.  Each day I wake up and have to remind myself today is the day God will shine through you, that his love will radiate through you because you've finally accepted it!

You too, my friends, are fully known and fully loved.  What is holding you back? What doubts, fears, questions, struggles do you need to let go of?  That ache in your heart, that love you desire the content heart is within reach.  Today give yourself permission to believe that!! Dream BIG, God is BIGGER!

--Live Jesus--

Just a Dreamer

"I'm just a dreamer, a believer...I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in you"

-Sanctus Real

When I was growing up, my mind always used to wonder, I guess one might say I was a dreamer.  I often let my mind drift to what was next, where was I going, what was I going to do; I loved to daydream, to think about how life would turn out.  I think everyone does this, some of us more than others.  I would spend hours outside on a clear night looking at the stars, just looking for meaning in this world and hoping that there would be something bigger than myself.  When I was young my dad was gone a lot because of the Marine Corps and when he would leave I would always go out to searching in the sky hoping that he too would be looking at the same stars as I was!

Not much has changed since then, I am still a dreamer; I believe in the underdog and I hope for the hopeless, but something that has changed is my faith.  Somewhere along my crooked and broken path, God grabbed my attention.  I mean he really said ‘are you done yet? When you are, I have so much to tell you’ John 17:3.   I tried many times to run away.  In fact, when I would get lost in thought my dad used to say ‘Go put your bobos on and hit the pavement’ (bobos is another word for shoes in Philly language).  Running was my best language, I wasn’t great at it, but the more I ran the less time I had to think (because I couldn’t breathe)!   As I continued to exercise though, I realized that I was able to let things go and clear my mind.  Many things in this life are here as a distraction or as a way to pass time; to move you from one moment to the next without really thinking about what you’re doing or where you are going, especially since we have whatever we want at the click of a button or swipe of the phone.  I’ve spent a lot of time just cruising through or running away, not noticing how my movements or thoughts affected others until one day a light went on.  I didn’t want to run aimlessly any more.  All my life, whether I was sitting on the beach watching the tide roll in or laying out in the desert in the middle of the night looking for stars, I searched for meaning.  I was searching for something bigger than myself, something that I couldn’t explain, yet something that captivated my soul when I simply gazed at His reflection in His creation.  That something was God.  It is Jesus. 

St. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 runners in a race run to win a crown.  Most run for a perishable crown, but us an imperishable one.  I train my body so that when I may finish I may not be disqualified.  I realized that was me.  When I played soccer, I played until I was bleeding, sweating, and crawling off the field at the end of the game looking for something the game could not give me. Although many times it was satisfying, I wasn’t full!  There was something more, I longed for something else.  I know the image St. Paul is painting, the image of doing everything you can so that you too may be not disqualified. We are given the opportunity to bring everyone around us to know why we train this way, to enter the narrow gates.  To achieve greatness and to fulfill our destiny of becoming a SAINT!!  One of my favorite quotes from St. Teresa of Avila is “If this is how you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few of them” as she was shaking her fist at God after being thrown from her horse. Shaking her fist at God, can you imagine? She believed so much that God was her friend through it all that she shook her fist at him, I know I've done that once or twice to a friend ;). 

My friends, you too are called to be saints.  We are called to run and not grow weary.  We are called to put all of our hope in a Savior, who on a cross out of complete and unfailing love for you, died.  On the days when life gets too much, run to the cross.  On the days when you just can’t find the stars, run to the cross.  On the days when your heart is bursting full of love, run to the cross.  Jesus wants every detail; every opportunity, every reward, every glory that you have is all because he saw your face before he died on the cross.  He desires you.  He thirsts for YOU. HE LOVES YOU.  Maybe you’ve heard this 1000 times or maybe this is your first time actually believing it, but he wants you.  And most of all he wants to run with you, to be your running mate, so that when your time comes, you too may not be disqualified!!!

Jesus never grew weary.  He’s never stopped chasing me and my prayer is that you too, may run with him!  Dream big. Chase your dreams and know that Christ is right there with you especially when everyone else has left the chase!  You have a purpose and God has so much to tell you, if only you slow down long enough to realize he's been running with you the whole time!!!

--Live Jesus--

Saint or Superhero!

Even when answers slowly unwind, it's my heart I see you prepare....

The song lyrics from a song which always hits me to the core, "I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp.  As I was getting ready this morning, I hear this song playing in the background and of course I start singing as I mosey around doing one thing or another.  When the line "even when answers slowly unwind, it's my heart I see you prepare" plays, I stop in my tracks and try to catch my breath.  Momentarily, I heard God.  LOUD as the music on the radio, clear as day!  I quickly realized that he is always preparing my heart; sometimes I'm ready for the preparation and other times, often times I'm not ready.  We look for answers and all along he's given one, just not the one we may be looking for, so we continue to search until we find one we like.  

When was the last time something took your breath away?  Was it an extraordinary event or maybe a catastrophic one? Go there with me now.  Has it been days? Months? Years?  How long did it take you to catch your breath again? Do you feel like you're still trying to catch it? When I coach, I tell my people to put their hands on their heads as they are trying to catch their breath to expand their lungs.  Most people tend to put their hands on their knees (which contracts your lungs making it harder to catch your breath and your recovery time longer), some even sit down in order to recover air to their lungs. Life has a way of knocking the air out of you, knocking us down so much so that sometimes we end up on our knees.  And that's ok!!! 


When we realize that the good fight doesn't depend on us, God will always give you what you need to stand back up again!  He tells us that "the one who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted".  There are going to be times in your life that you're going to battle, everyday you will battle.  The greatest thing is you never go to battle alone.  



In Ephesians 6:10-18 we are told every morning to draw strength from God and to strap on the armor of God.  Think about your favorite superhero; Batman, Peter, Clark. They all have armor and costumes that equip them to transform from Joe Schmoe to SUPERHERO. You too, have armor that is waiting for you; is it still in the package? Maybe it needs to be dusted off and brought out of retirement or maybe it has holes in it and you need to take it to the ultimate tailor so he can do some repairs!  Never seen it, that's ok it's waiting for you every morning!

What does your morning routine look like; a toothbrush and a shower maybe, definitely getting dressed and ready for your day!  I want to challenge you to take your morning routine a step further and invite God into it.  Don't just get ready physically, but strap on your armor, actively and intentionally every day.  Peter doesn't become Spiderman without his Spidey suit and you can't be a disciple of Christ without the armor of God! 

God doesn't call superheros, he calls simple, ordinary people to be his hands and feet in our world.  He knocks on the door of our hearts, he is the yearning in your soul; he is the thirst that you can't quench until it is quenched by him.  When you open the door, when you seek truth, when you invite him to be an active part of your daily life he will always be enough; he will always provide for you in ways that you could never provide for yourself and he will call you to do the same for those around you.

When you wake up, give God your day, the foreseeable and the unforeseen.  Ask him to give you his eyes in order to see where you're needed.  When you put your pants on and your belt, put on your spiritual belt of truth; invite God to give you the words to speak, to speak life and speak truth.  As you button up your blouse or put on your shirt, think of putting on the breastplate of righteousness.  Ask God to help you to be fair and just today.  When you step into your shoes, know that you are called to bring God's peace and the joy of the gospel to everyone you meet today.  As you look in the mirror to fix your hair, imagine yourself putting on the helmet of salvation; ask God to give you the knowledge that your worth, value, and dignity come from him and from his Son!  Lastly, as you grab your keys to head out the door think of your key as the sword (yes I know it's tiny, but it's mighty :)) of the Spirit, Word of God; that you may become God's vehicle of love in this world. 

So go ahead and breathe.  Take a deep breath.  And today let God surprise you, let him take your breath away by the ways that he loves you; in the simple and in the ordinary. You are called to be a saint...do the ordinary things of life with extraordinary love -St. Therese of Lisieux

--Live Jesus--

Loved beyond reason

"Life should be a series of daring adventures launched from a secure base"

As a military child, many of my years were spent establishing this secure base; daring adventures we definitely had, a secure base well that came much later...or so I had thought.  When I was young, I wanted to grow up and be a USMC F18 pilot who spent their time in the air soaring above all, on ships cruising throughout the world (when I wasn't flying) and constantly seeking new adventures!!  I desired to see the world, to see all of God's creation and people!  I still do, I just do it a bit differently these days.

There is always something calming about being able to look out onto the ocean and realize how small I am, how insignificant my problems are compared to this big ocean, and to recognize that I'm not alone in this world.  God told Abraham that his descendants would be as vast as the stars in the sky...my favorite time to go to the beach is at night; to look up and see all those out there struggling, surviving, thriving, loving just as I am.  I find peace there.  

SO where do these daring adventures come in?  They come in the ordinary, mundane everyday life.  They come in the heading to the airport and buying a random ticket to anywhere.  They come with a long itinerary that you throw out the window and just allow yourself to be.  In the book of Psalms we are told to "Be still and know that I am God". When you realize how unconditionally loved you are, when you accept that love and pursue that love; the ordinary becomes extraordinary.  

Love is your secure base.  It is something you can always take with you, it is something that you can always go back to.  When my dad would deploy, it was like love walked right out of the door.  We had to, like many military families, learn to adapt and overcome. We had to learn what it meant to let go of love, what it meant to not have him there for important times (i.e birthdays, holidays, major events).  We quickly learned that even though he wasn't there, his love still was.  Like our earthly fathers, we have a heavenly Father who loves us.  He truly loves us and unlike our earthly fathers, will never fail us (we're all human right, we're destined to fail at some point).

When I realized that my secure base was my faith, I quickly realized that it had been there all along.  I may not have always been strong in my faith, but God was always strong for me.  He was always pursuing me.  He chased after me when I had gone off on an adventure without anyone there to protect me or love me.  He chased after me like the one sheep that ran away from the other 99!  And he chases after you as well.  He is always with you, always waiting for you to call on him to save you, always ready to pour out his love and his grace into your hearts.  

Today, he invites us to participate in the Passion of Christ.  He leads us to the cross to show us that there is nothing that we can do to separate us from the love of God, not even death!  How awesome is that.  Today I hope that you take a moment to realize that you are loved beyond reason.

Make the jump, go off on a daring adventure, trusting that your secure base will never fail, never leave, and always be waiting with open arms!!!  

Keep making me

Ever let your mind wonder to what you would be, could be, should be?  Ever dream of this awesome job with really good pay, getting out of debt, being in the best shape of your life, having a personal chef?  Lent is a season of reflection, going out into a spiritual desert to take a deeper look at who we are (or whose we are) and who we're called to be. When was the last time you actually peeled back those layers or looked under the masks that we feel like we have to wear because we don't fit in or we're not good enough the way we are?  What about the masks we wear because we're scared to let others see the real 'ME'?  Or what about the scary thought that we don't know the real me?  These are all questions that we have to ask every now and again to give ourself a good gut check! Who are you? Do you let the world define you? Do you define yourself by the way your clothes fit or by how much you ate yesterday?  What about defining yourself by the fact that your funny or intelligent, or not?!  There are so many things that we desire to be, yet are too afraid to define ourselves for what we really are.  We spend so much time trying masks on that we forget what our face looks like!  

As Lent approaches its end and Easter is on the horizon, let's first pause to remember Good Friday!  Good.  Friday.  What happens on Good Friday?  Crucifixion.  How can someone crucified be classified as Good?  A roman torture device turned into the ultimate symbol of love.  A man laid his life down so that you might have life and have it abundantly! Scripture tells us that "no greater love than this for a man to lay down his life for a friend" WoW. He was beaten, spit on, denied; our biggest fears come true, rejection. He did this for you! Why won't the young boy walk up to the girl and ask her to dance? Rejection.  Why won't someone tryout for the soccer team? Rejection. Why don't we raise our hands to answer questions in class that we know the answer to? Fear of failure resulting in rejection.  I could go on; what about the masks that fit so tight we have forgotten who we have become?  They're weightless and sometimes invisible until we are able to step back and reflect.  

Each of us desires intimacy (in-TO-me-SEE). We want someone to look so deep inside of us and tell us that we're not broken beyond repair, trash, worthless, or unloveable. We desire to be seen, known, and loved beyond reason or measure, and we seek this love everywhere.  Yet we believe the lies listed above because it's easier to wear a mask than to face the truth.  There's a great Sidewalk Prophets song called "Keep Making Me".  It asks to be made broken, to empty themselves, to make them lonely; all to break away from masks of pride, vanity, and other things that hide their true selves.  

When was the last time you looked for intimacy at the crucifix?  Not just at the cross, but the crucifix where Jesus hung for you? Where he opened his arms and said "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do"? He offers us forgiveness, compassion, mercy and ultimately all of his love, but will you accept this gift?  When was the last time you approached the crucifix without a mask on?  Or what about approaching the cross with your masks on, but having the courage to leave them right there with Jesus?  He wants them, he desires them, he desires you.  He tells us "come to me all who are burdened and I will give you rest".  

Are your masks weighing you down, are you willing to set them aside to be seen? The masks that are too heavy to wear, the broken pieces from the mask you had to use a chisel to get off?  When you are ready, he is waiting.  As a true gentlemen always ready to come in to save you, but he will wait for you to invite him in.  You desire intimacy because you were created in the image and likeness of God, you are created for love, for true in-to-me-see.  

Lent is the perfect time to reflect on the masks that have been in your wardrobe lately and to make the active decision to lay them down at the foot of the cross.  No matter how far away, no matter what mask you put on the Lord tells Samuel "I do not see as Man sees, the appearance, I see the heart." Will you let the world see your beautiful heart as God does?  First, take off the mask(s), look into the mirror and see our own heart as Christ does.  See the person he died for on the cross, the person that he laid down his life for so that we may have life and have it abundantly.  

Your heart is crying out to be known, to be seen in such a way that peace surpasses all understanding. Sometimes we have to lose ourselves to be found, but a wise person once told me that we have to put ourselves in a position to be found. Come in from the desert, from the mindless wondering, and put yourself at the foot of the cross; allow the masks to fall off like drops of water in Niagra falls. Will you lay them down on Good Friday and walk out of the grave with Jesus on Easter Sunday?

 "above all else my purpose remains, the art of losing myself and bringing you praise...my heart and my soul I give you control, consume me from the inside out" -Hillsong United From the Inside Out

--Live Jesus--

i Thirst

i Thirst.

Our bodies are created of 70% water, and most of us will agree that throughout the day at some point we are thirsty; thirsty for water, thirsty for life, thirsty for adventure, thirsty for fulfillment.  What is it that you long for? What is it that you fill yourself up with? This world has so many things that we can fill ourselves up with, many of which will leave us feeling even more empty or unfulfilled than before.  Have you ever had a craving, or a thirst, and searched high and low to quench it?  Like for example, some mornings I wake up and can't wait to get to work because there is coffee at work and I know that coffee will kickstart my day, only to be left feeling empty as I grab my cup to take a sip and it's already gone!  Our lives are often the same way, we feel as if we need something to make us 'feel' better or feel like something, that we are not enough.  

The truth is that we aren't enough.  Each of us are created with a God-shaped hole inside of us that needs to be filled by its Creator, and until it is, until we realize what life is worth, we are torn between drowning beneath the waves or dying from thirst.  It took me many years to realize my true thirst is for something that is unquenchable, my true thirst is for love; it is to be known and to be loved. When we are known and loved we experience this confidence, this truth that allows us to become the person that God has meant us to be. 

"To be known is to be loved and to be loved is to be known"

Yet love is not unquenchable, but should be sought out on a daily basis.  Relationships work because we put time into them, we sacrifice, we know that love is not about who we are or what we will become.  "Love is patient, love is kind, it is NOT jealous, it is NOT pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love NEVER fails" 1 Corinthians 13:4-8  We thirst because we are thirsty for love, we are disappointed or are left thirsty when we receive anything besides this.  

A great story that demonstrates this love and this thirst is the story of the woman at the well.  Ashamed and dubbed an outcast she went to the well at midday because she knew she wouldn't have to face the looks or condemnations of others.  How many times in life do we base our feelings or our 'happiness' on others?  On how they see us or how their day went?  We are all sinners, and until we accept that fact it's going to be hard to go forward.  We don't have to be sinners, but our fallen nature is surrounded by sin and our culture today is submersed in it.  Hollywood paints ideas of fantasies in our heads of what love should be, what relationships should look like, but they conveniently leave out the sacrifices necessary to love.  They paint the picture that love is messy, and yes sometimes it can be, but ultimately love is simple.  Love becomes complicated because we are a selfish people.  We often are self-seeking instead of self-denying.  Jesus was the master of self-denial.  It's not that he always wanted to (check garden of Gethsemane), but he knew that his purpose in this life was to love, to love even unto the point of death.

Right before Jesus died on the cross he said "I thirst".  He thirsts!  Just as you and I thirst!  He thirsted for Heaven, to be reunited with his Father, to unite ALL of us to himself.  He thirsts FOR YOU.  Yes, I said it, for you.  In 1 John 4:8 it says that "God is love" and if God is love, then God is patient and God is kind.  God is waiting for you at the well to give you living water, the question is are you ready to receive it? Are you ready to drink of this living water or will you continue to drink from other wells in your life?  I promise, because he first promised, that when you are ready to drink of this living water he will give it to you! 

Seek him.  Ask for the water to quench your thirst, that you may seek truth, goodness, and beauty in your life. That is his desire for you, that you may no longer be lost, or ashamed, or guilty, but that you may be set free!!!!

Who you'd be today!

One of my favorite singers growing up was Kenny Chesney, he has a wonderful song called "Who you'd be today" that's playing right now over Pandora!  I was trying to think of a post for today and realized I'm spouting out all of this information about "falling in love" without any background on who I am.  A big part of who you are is who you were and where you've been.  This song holds special meaning for me because it brings me back to Racheal, a dear friend of mine who taught me what it means to be in love.  Everyone has someone who points them to God, for Samuel it was Eli, for Peter it was Jesus, for me it was Racheal.  

2009 was a rough year for me, to put it lightly, it was like I struck out so hard that I spun around 360' and fell face first in the dirt.  I recently graduated college and moved up to NJ for a job. In the next 18 months I would move 5 times, back and forth from South Jersey to NYC.  I was working, playing semi-professional soccer, going out, catching up with family, living the good life; yet deep down inside never truly satisfied.  There were signs all around telling me to slow down you're going too fast; stop and think what you're doing.  Being the brilliant, hard-headed person that I am I blew by these signs at 100 mph. It all came crashing to a complete stop one evening when I made one of the worst decisions in my life, and I got a DUI.  From then on my life as I knew it was over.

Racheal and I played high school soccer together, she was my sister's age (a year younger than I was) with a contagious smile and a genuine heart.  She was the player that was so excited to be sitting on the bench, let alone get in the game or score a goal.  She was always so positive and encouraging, and she was a fan of mine.  No matter what she did, she did it with a 100%, it's no surprise to me that when she was diagnosed with a tumor and later cancer (or vice versa) she went to battle!  Racheal was diagnosed when I was away at college.  We kept in contact through letters (yes, those things you write with pen and paper).  I stopped by to see her a couple times when I was in town, but not as often as I wanted to.  I was scared, ashamed I didn't give her more time, and guilty that she had to go through all of this.  What I couldn't see was that God was calling her to something more!

As I went to court and dealt with my DUI, I realized I had to go to the one place I never wanted to go back to, I had to go home to Jacksonville.  I had no other place to go, no money, and no vision to what was ahead.  I had hit rock bottom.  "When you realize that Jesus is all you need Jesus is all you have, and when Jesus is all you have you realize that Jesus is all you've ever needed!!" Let that sink in for a moment.  As I moved home to Jacksonville in September, I lost my grandmother October 3rd and Racheal October 30th.  Darkness surrounded me, I was so lost.  I didn't know where to turn and who to turn to.  In Jacksonville there is a 24hr adoration chapel (where the Blessed Sacrament is exposed), where we can go to see Jesus face to face.  It was there, face down, covered in tears, lost, unworthy, empty, longing for meaning and love, that I found my relationship with Christ.  

Racheal put a new meaning on suffering.  She adopted the verse Isaiah 53:5 "He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquity.  He bore the punishment that makes us whole, and by his wounds we were healed."  She believed that if God willed it, she would be healed.  She fought the good fight, she loved, and smiled, she stayed strong and courageous when most of us would have caved in, and she looked to Christ to be her Savior instead of trying to save herself.  She showed me what it meant to fall in love with Jesus and trust that there is no one out of his grasp.  She was convicted of God's love for her and by the way she lived her life she convicted others of that same love!  Racheal's believers are what they call themselves and you can find them wearing lime green bracelets or living Jesus in their community!! 

So when 'Who you'd be today' comes on the radio, it's hard for me to imagine who Racheal would be in this earthly life, but I know that she is a saint in Heaven!  I never imagined I'd be where I am today, given the opportunity to publicly speak about my relationship with Jesus and called to share that with others; to be a light where some only see darkness, to love with no limits, no boundaries, no prerequisites or disqualifications, to love without fear.  

I am forever grateful that I have lived among saints in my life, St. John Paul the Great, St. John XXIII, Blessed Mother Teresa, and Racheal.  I look forward to the day I can thank Racheal for showing me that my God wants so much more than just religion, he wants my heart.  And he wants your heart!  Fast forward 5 years, ask yourself 'Who would you be today' and where is God in all of this?  Who are you living for?

--Live Jesus--

Never Let the Fear of Striking Out...

A while ago someone asked me 'do you have a life verse?'  I replied 'um, a what?'.  He simply chuckled and said 'something that God has spoken in your heart, your mission for the world, the mission God has given to you!'. God uses all different kinds of ways to speak to us, but he gave us the most accurate love story of all time, when he gave us the bible!  He gave us our love story.  You want to know how live check out Moses and the 10 commandments, you need some encouragement look to the Psalms of David, you need some Wisdom we have a book for that, struggling and wondering if it's ever going to get better flip to Job and see how he dealt with things. Often as Catholics we leave the bible to our Protestant brothers and sisters who can recite it on point, so when my priest friend and convert asked if I had a life verse he wasn't in the least bit surprised that I was like 'um, a what?'.  Do you have one?

I have a great love for baseball and I know I've heard many places before that baseball can teach you a lot about life.  I'm a die hard Yankees fan so it's no surprise that one of my favorite quotes comes from Babe Ruth!  "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game".  When I was a kid I payed baseball and batting was one of my favorite parts, but I would get up to bat and get so scared of getting hit by the ball.  One day, I went up to bat, stood in the batter's box and here came a ball about 70 mph right for me.  Sometimes we allow fear to rule us, to take over what we know to be true, beautiful, and good.  For me, this wasn't just about baseball, but this stemmed into my life as well.  I allowed fear to swallow me whole, to put me in a box and tell me I wasn't good enough, to take me farther away from who I was created to be and down a path that led to poor decisions and despair.  

All my life, I've longed to be loved by everyone.  I didn't want to upset anyone, I found my value in what others believed of me instead of what I knew to be true.  When I decided to start my search in the one thing that had been with me since I was created in the womb, I soon realized that love was not about an ooeey gooey feeling.  Love was about God.  Love was what I was created for, love is my vocation.  The only thing bigger than fear is LOVE, and if God is love than God is bigger than fear and God is who I would seek to perfect my love!  He is the one I will seek for approval, he is the one that I long to be loved by, to increase my love for him.

SO now I ask you, do you have a life verse? 'A what?' haha a life verse.  Your mission from God, your example for others that is seen by how you live your life. How do you find it? Pray about it? Ask God to reveal your mission to you, and ask him to be clear; then open the bible and start reading it! We also have advantages these days such as social media and people posting, updating, or tweeting verses that stand out to them for the day or for their meditation.  Pay ATTENTION! If you see a verse or quote come up multiple times, write it down, research it (see if the quote actually has some form in the bible, bet it does!) take it to God, what is he saying, how does it affect you?  Keep track and just when you think it won't happen or this life verse stuff is whack you'll see a verse that captures your attention and you will say 'THAT'S IT'.  You'll see it! Don't be afraid to test it out, it's something that you'll be living by, will it fit your lifestyle!?  

After much prayer and searching, I found mine "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

2015 is here upon us, many of us have made resolutions to not make resolutions.  We've made goals, we've failed goals already and it's only Jan 9th! I challenge you to find God's will in your life, to find God's love in your life, to allow God to resonate through you that others may see HIS light within you and the way you live your life.  What is it that he is calling you to?  How does he want to enhance your life?  We're all seeking to be loved, when was the last time you picked up His love story for you? 

--Live Jesus--