What's your word?

God is love.  A phrase I hear all the time, a phrase I often tell my teens, a phrase that I will never grow old of hearing.  It’s one of my favorite bible verses, 1 John 4:8, because it precedes my favorite one, 1 John 4:18.  Today, though, it’s followed by the Gospel of Mark when Jesus feeds over 5,000 people. 

A new year often brings reflection and discernment, looking back over the last year and looking forward to where God is calling me to this year.  2015 was an adventure to say the least, as with any year there were joys and sorrows, but as I sneak up on turning 30 there was also a lot of introspection.  What do I want? Am I where I’m supposed to be? Does my life have meaning? I spent New Year’s Eve in a way I never have before, in bed by 10:30pm, I know crazy right?  I spent the last hour I was awake though in my prayer closet.  I wanted to leave everything that was holding me back right there at the foot of the cross, everything that made me lesser than God envisions me. 

You see I have a fear of inadequacy, I carry many doubts, I often run when I should stay, I’m constantly on the go, because I’m scared to face the silence, the loneliness, the solitude.  But if there is one thing that I realized over Christmas break, it’s that I am TIRED.  Tired of running, tired of alienating myself because I fear that if people truly knew me they’d go running, tired of carrying the weight of doubt; and tired of being tired!  I’ve lived my personal life, privately, instead of sharing it with those I most care about.  Those days are over.  I left them in 2015.   I want to live a life of transparency.  “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

I shouldn’t have to fear anything because I want to live a life of love.  I was reading a blog yesterday (@intheheartofmyhome), and the author was talking about a word for 2016; a focal point to encourage you, to challenge you, to move you, and to bring you peace when starting and ending each day.  I thought ‘what a fantastic idea’ so I spent the good part of yesterday praying for the right word.  I stumbled across ravish, because I want God’s love to ravish my heart, but that wasn’t it.  I wrote down desire, because I realized that I desire love as a response to the desire that God planted in my heart, but that wasn’t quite it either.  Beloved, good, but didn’t feel right.  Remain, because if I remain in him then I will bear much fruit, but something said to keep looking.  I stumbled across it later in the day, in a conversation with someone, and a light bulb went on, this is it, abundance. 

Abundance: a very large quantity of something, plentifulness of good things in life, prosperity.  Jesus tells us in John 10:10 “A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly”  You see God doesn’t want me to be in fear, he doesn’t want me to live only ¾ of my life, he wishes to give me abundant life.  He promises to, but first we must choose it, we must open our eyes and see that his plan is always at work in our life, especially when we least expect it!

This year, I will expect it.  I will strive to surrender so that I too may have an abundant life.  2016 brings me hope, a renewed hope that God is love, and looking at the Gospel of Mark today he shows us how much he can do with so little.  Here’s my mustard seed Lord, let your will be done!  Thank you @elizabethfoss for encouraging me to find my word!  What word is God giving you this year?

--Live Love--

Cross-Fit or Crossfit

My life is a constant cross, whether it is church or Crossfit, the cross is always present.  As I’ve discerned how to write this blog I never knew how to do it justice.  The funny thing is Christ calls us to live out the cross, to love God and to love neighbor, one doesn’t work without the other; so why should my life be any different.  My hopes in this article is that you realize the things that matter in our life often carry the same characteristics to be successful; perseverance, determination, failure, and action.

Crossfit is something I found when I returned back to NC, and as a life-long athlete, I fell in love instantly.  I wanted to be great at everything right away.  If you know anything about athletics though, you know that instantaneous results do not happen!  You have your strengths, like I can lift heavy weights, and you have your weaknesses, like handstand pushups and pull-ups (in Crossfit language gymnastics moves).  Gymnastics moves for a piggy like me (a familial term we use lovinglyJ) are a bust! I can move heavy weights because I’m thick, but bodyweight exercises for me are like moving frozen molasses, it takes a WHILE!

My Catholic faith has a similar story, except the timeline is a bit longer.  I was born Catholic, went to Mass and CCD every weekend growing up, received the sacraments, yet was missing a key component, the relationship part.  I had half a plank to the cross, love others part.  It was easy for me to love others, as long as they weren’t the piggies aka my sisters.  I loved God, but mostly felt like I loved him because it was the right thing to do, not because I was in love with him.  I had a little cross I guess you can say, half a plank either way.  When I was about 23, this all changed.  I continued to go to Mass, but I searched for more.  I desired to be in love, and I was in love with a lot of the wrong things; boys, feelings, partying.  I was knocked down, dirty, and guilty, when God asked me if I was done yet? I’m Irish/Italian American so naturally it took me a while to realize, my life is meant for more.  If you are or have struggled with your faith, you know that it, too, does NOT happen over night! 

The beach has always been the place for me to find peace, to look out into the ocean and know that no matter what was happening in life, God is bigger.  I went to the beach the other day, sat back and was in awe of God’s creation.  I wanted to capture it, in my mind, with a picture, anything to sum up God’s love for me.  When my mom came down I asked her to take a picture, we took like 100, of me doing a handstand, a freestanding piggy upside down!  The sun was setting behind me, the ocean beautiful as always, and me upside down, doing something it took months to master, and in 5 long seconds (or minutes), we captured it, cross-fit or Crossfit. 

You see God wants to be present in everything with you; he wants to be in love with you.  Anyone who has been in love knows that love never fails; we often do, we fail, but it’s not the failure that defines us, it’s what you do after, and that’s CHARACTER.  Perseverance is getting up when everyone is counting you out, determination is telling you to get up, and action is what you do every day when you pursue greatness.  Greatness looks differently for everyone, cross-fit or Crossfit (though I may never compete in the games), my greatness comes from glorifying God through it all.  

--Live Love--

*do not own any rights to Crossfit (I am a Level 1 Trainer)

Our Greatest Task

Another early morning at the gym and an interesting conversation sparked my heart so deep that I feel the need to share.  As a woman, I struggle with self-everything; esteem, body image, worth, dignity.  The list can go on and on and it did, until I realized that all of these things cannot be filled or taken away by anyone, including myself.  They were given to me by my creater out of love, for love.  He created women with what some call feminine genius.  Me, a genius, I don't think so, but God, he does.  He created us as helpers, as complimentary to men, to fulfill a specific purpose; to help lead each other to HEAVEN.

With that being said, ladies can we please start living this way?  Can we reclaim our dignity and worth that we continue to throw away to the lowest bidder (ourselves included)?  A simple man by the name of Karol Wojtyla said these profound words, "The task of every MAN is the dignity of every WOMAN, and the task of EVERY woman is the dignity of EVERY man". wow. 

This starts with how you see yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you treat yourself, and it carries into how you dress, how you speak to others, and the relationships that you have.  As women we need to reclaim our feminity, our true strength.  I don't need a man to pick something up for me, heck I just front squatted 200 lbs, I think I can pick it up myself thank you; however, I would like a man to open the door.  I don't need him to pay, I have my own jobs and have been on my own for a long time, but I would like for him too.  I don't need him to take me to church, I can drive, but he better be taking his tail too!  It's not a need that I have, it's a desire.  It's a desire to grow in holiness with another person, to have a running partner along this faith journey towards our final destination.  It's a desire for friendships that hold me accountable to the big guy upstairs, not the guy sitting across the room or the table from me.  It's a desire for women to flourish in their feminine genius and for the men of God to rise up and lead us.  

SO I challenge you today, no matter where you've been, what you've done, how good you are, or how much you've thrown your dignity to the wind, RECLAIM IT!  You don't have to earn it , you don't have to buy it back, you don't have to go searching for it, you simply need to identify that it is yours.  PROTECT it.  Become a man or woman who fights for truth and leads others to the truth.  We spend so much time trying to build walls thinking that we are protecting ourselves, but in reality we are really imprisoning oursevles.  In protection, we become transparent.  Your transparency will create a vulnerability that will encourage others to be vulnerable too and it's in that vulnerability that we can most grow with one another!  

Lastly, build holy friendships.  Men and women can and should be friends, holy friends; friends that want the other person to become the best version of themselves, friends that want others to be cruising into heaven with them.  It's no good for us to be alone, so surround yourself with those who will lift you up.

 "The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves.  The resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.  If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them" --Thomas Merton

--Live Love--

Breathe, just breathe.

Lately, I find myself gasping for air.  I have this uncanny ability to bury myself in work, in serving others, in traveling, in staying so busy that eating and sleeping are something that I do because I have to, instead of because I actually enjoy both of these activities. I turned on the radio the other day (shocker I know) and this song literally took my breath away.  I found myself breathing hard, like I just came up for air out of the ocean.  Many times we as humans tend to think that we have to do everything, be everywhere, love everyone, and say yes to every opportunity to do something. Breathe. Just BREATHE.  I challenge you to take a deep breath, one where you can smell what's around you; the fresh cut grass, the dew in the early morning, the smog in the air, the stuffiness of the office cubicle.  What comes to mind? Are you thankful to be breathing or are you not paying attention to the small details?

When we get consumed by our life, we lose sight of what's most important, we lose why we're even here in the first place.  Something as simple as breathing becomes difficult or it becomes a chore.  We forget to cherish it.  Ask a lung patient who struggles to breathe how much they appreciate air.  Ask a new mother how much they appreciate 5 minutes of silence to simply breathe between nursing and diaper changes.  There's this great quote I saw somewhere that says "When you want to be successful as much as you want to breathe, you will be successful".  But what if your success is the reason you can't breathe?  What if you're working so hard, pursuing that endless goal of financial freedom or vacations or the next best thing that your breath is vanishing as fast as it appears?

As I found myself gasping for air, I realized that I was running around like a madwoman because I was scared of the silence, of being still.  I don't want to miss a thing, I want to be present to everyone, I want to do God's will, I want to help people, I want to share with them this simple truth "You are loved".  In Luke 10:20 is says rejoice for your name is written in Heaven!  EXHALE!  My name is written in Heaven; that means all this working, this battling, this breathing without reason or purpose, or giving more of myself than I can physically handle is for who?  I realized that it was for me.  As much as I wanted it to be about others, about God, it was for me.  I often tell people you can't give what you don't have, but my gosh how often do we TRY!? 

So once again, I've surrendered!  I'm throwing in the towel, of what I know and taking the advice of a great movie I just watched (War Room); I'm going to God to create my battle plan.  I will slow down to take a deep breath every day, to appreciate the people around me, and to allow God to love me so that I may love others. We are called to be a light in this world of darkness, how can you become God's light in someone's darkness today?  My prayer for you is that you know how loved you are, not because of something you've done or will do, not because you got all the things on your list done or you exceeded that list, but because you are you!  How freeing is that?  You are loved!  May you take a deep breath and accept the reality of that statement.

Every now and then God allows us a glimpse of himself, won't you be that glimpse for someone else?!

--LIve Jesus--

Live in Love

I remember these days as if it were yesterday, waiting for the subway in the snow, in the rain; boarding a train at 4:30am for the hour or so hike to downtown Manhattan from the second to last stop in the Bronx.  Long hours, long days, running through a city where the whole city is moving at a 100 mph and if you're not paying attention it would be very easy to get lost or swallowed up.  I remember standing on the platform asking myself 'what am I doing with my life?' and 'would anyone even notice if I didn't show up?'.  I quickly figured out that people don't make it in NYC because they can't make enough money; my theory is people don't make it in NYC because they can't develop meaningful relationships with other people on more than a superficial level.  Sure they can meet the same people at happy hour, or with their running club, or at a business party, but are they actually going into conversations deeper then work or the gym?  Then I realized, it's not only NYC that has this problem, it's everywhere.

We're humans, we desire from the depths of our hearts to be in relationship with others.  We desire to be fully known, to be fully loved.  We feel empty because we build walls up to keep people out and we end up imprisoning ourselves.  We get so comfortable with casual conversation because we don't want to conflict with someone on our beliefs or fear the unkown.  We're not confident in who we are and we forget whose we are.  My question to you, is how can you know who you are if you don't know whose you are?  

It took me a while to figure this one out.  To figure out that I am not defined by what others think, or feel, or know about me; I'm not defined by my weight, or my beauty, or my intelligence.  My dignity depends on nothing I say or do, my worth cannot increase or decrease; the love I ache for cannot be bought and will not be lost.  God has created me perfect in his image, I am fearfully and wonderfully made with a mission that only I have (you too have this). I was made with love, for love; "You are fully known by the author of space and time" (JJ Heller).

How awesome it that?  Overflowing with peace and joy, I can fulfill my mission in this world when I recognize that.  I can be exactly what God wants me to be because I know that with him all things are possible.  A friend of mine recently said, being content is peaceful and priceless.  Every day is a battle for me, a complete surrender of the things I want to tell myself to the things God wants me to hear.  Each day I wake up and have to remind myself today is the day God will shine through you, that his love will radiate through you because you've finally accepted it!

You too, my friends, are fully known and fully loved.  What is holding you back? What doubts, fears, questions, struggles do you need to let go of?  That ache in your heart, that love you desire the content heart is within reach.  Today give yourself permission to believe that!! Dream BIG, God is BIGGER!

--Live Jesus--

Just a Dreamer

"I'm just a dreamer, a believer...I've lost my faith in so many things, but I still believe in you"

-Sanctus Real

When I was growing up, my mind always used to wonder, I guess one might say I was a dreamer.  I often let my mind drift to what was next, where was I going, what was I going to do; I loved to daydream, to think about how life would turn out.  I think everyone does this, some of us more than others.  I would spend hours outside on a clear night looking at the stars, just looking for meaning in this world and hoping that there would be something bigger than myself.  When I was young my dad was gone a lot because of the Marine Corps and when he would leave I would always go out to searching in the sky hoping that he too would be looking at the same stars as I was!

Not much has changed since then, I am still a dreamer; I believe in the underdog and I hope for the hopeless, but something that has changed is my faith.  Somewhere along my crooked and broken path, God grabbed my attention.  I mean he really said ‘are you done yet? When you are, I have so much to tell you’ John 17:3.   I tried many times to run away.  In fact, when I would get lost in thought my dad used to say ‘Go put your bobos on and hit the pavement’ (bobos is another word for shoes in Philly language).  Running was my best language, I wasn’t great at it, but the more I ran the less time I had to think (because I couldn’t breathe)!   As I continued to exercise though, I realized that I was able to let things go and clear my mind.  Many things in this life are here as a distraction or as a way to pass time; to move you from one moment to the next without really thinking about what you’re doing or where you are going, especially since we have whatever we want at the click of a button or swipe of the phone.  I’ve spent a lot of time just cruising through or running away, not noticing how my movements or thoughts affected others until one day a light went on.  I didn’t want to run aimlessly any more.  All my life, whether I was sitting on the beach watching the tide roll in or laying out in the desert in the middle of the night looking for stars, I searched for meaning.  I was searching for something bigger than myself, something that I couldn’t explain, yet something that captivated my soul when I simply gazed at His reflection in His creation.  That something was God.  It is Jesus. 

St. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 runners in a race run to win a crown.  Most run for a perishable crown, but us an imperishable one.  I train my body so that when I may finish I may not be disqualified.  I realized that was me.  When I played soccer, I played until I was bleeding, sweating, and crawling off the field at the end of the game looking for something the game could not give me. Although many times it was satisfying, I wasn’t full!  There was something more, I longed for something else.  I know the image St. Paul is painting, the image of doing everything you can so that you too may be not disqualified. We are given the opportunity to bring everyone around us to know why we train this way, to enter the narrow gates.  To achieve greatness and to fulfill our destiny of becoming a SAINT!!  One of my favorite quotes from St. Teresa of Avila is “If this is how you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few of them” as she was shaking her fist at God after being thrown from her horse. Shaking her fist at God, can you imagine? She believed so much that God was her friend through it all that she shook her fist at him, I know I've done that once or twice to a friend ;). 

My friends, you too are called to be saints.  We are called to run and not grow weary.  We are called to put all of our hope in a Savior, who on a cross out of complete and unfailing love for you, died.  On the days when life gets too much, run to the cross.  On the days when you just can’t find the stars, run to the cross.  On the days when your heart is bursting full of love, run to the cross.  Jesus wants every detail; every opportunity, every reward, every glory that you have is all because he saw your face before he died on the cross.  He desires you.  He thirsts for YOU. HE LOVES YOU.  Maybe you’ve heard this 1000 times or maybe this is your first time actually believing it, but he wants you.  And most of all he wants to run with you, to be your running mate, so that when your time comes, you too may not be disqualified!!!

Jesus never grew weary.  He’s never stopped chasing me and my prayer is that you too, may run with him!  Dream big. Chase your dreams and know that Christ is right there with you especially when everyone else has left the chase!  You have a purpose and God has so much to tell you, if only you slow down long enough to realize he's been running with you the whole time!!!

--Live Jesus--

Saint or Superhero!

Even when answers slowly unwind, it's my heart I see you prepare....

The song lyrics from a song which always hits me to the core, "I Still Believe" by Jeremy Camp.  As I was getting ready this morning, I hear this song playing in the background and of course I start singing as I mosey around doing one thing or another.  When the line "even when answers slowly unwind, it's my heart I see you prepare" plays, I stop in my tracks and try to catch my breath.  Momentarily, I heard God.  LOUD as the music on the radio, clear as day!  I quickly realized that he is always preparing my heart; sometimes I'm ready for the preparation and other times, often times I'm not ready.  We look for answers and all along he's given one, just not the one we may be looking for, so we continue to search until we find one we like.  

When was the last time something took your breath away?  Was it an extraordinary event or maybe a catastrophic one? Go there with me now.  Has it been days? Months? Years?  How long did it take you to catch your breath again? Do you feel like you're still trying to catch it? When I coach, I tell my people to put their hands on their heads as they are trying to catch their breath to expand their lungs.  Most people tend to put their hands on their knees (which contracts your lungs making it harder to catch your breath and your recovery time longer), some even sit down in order to recover air to their lungs. Life has a way of knocking the air out of you, knocking us down so much so that sometimes we end up on our knees.  And that's ok!!! 


When we realize that the good fight doesn't depend on us, God will always give you what you need to stand back up again!  He tells us that "the one who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted".  There are going to be times in your life that you're going to battle, everyday you will battle.  The greatest thing is you never go to battle alone.  



In Ephesians 6:10-18 we are told every morning to draw strength from God and to strap on the armor of God.  Think about your favorite superhero; Batman, Peter, Clark. They all have armor and costumes that equip them to transform from Joe Schmoe to SUPERHERO. You too, have armor that is waiting for you; is it still in the package? Maybe it needs to be dusted off and brought out of retirement or maybe it has holes in it and you need to take it to the ultimate tailor so he can do some repairs!  Never seen it, that's ok it's waiting for you every morning!

What does your morning routine look like; a toothbrush and a shower maybe, definitely getting dressed and ready for your day!  I want to challenge you to take your morning routine a step further and invite God into it.  Don't just get ready physically, but strap on your armor, actively and intentionally every day.  Peter doesn't become Spiderman without his Spidey suit and you can't be a disciple of Christ without the armor of God! 

God doesn't call superheros, he calls simple, ordinary people to be his hands and feet in our world.  He knocks on the door of our hearts, he is the yearning in your soul; he is the thirst that you can't quench until it is quenched by him.  When you open the door, when you seek truth, when you invite him to be an active part of your daily life he will always be enough; he will always provide for you in ways that you could never provide for yourself and he will call you to do the same for those around you.

When you wake up, give God your day, the foreseeable and the unforeseen.  Ask him to give you his eyes in order to see where you're needed.  When you put your pants on and your belt, put on your spiritual belt of truth; invite God to give you the words to speak, to speak life and speak truth.  As you button up your blouse or put on your shirt, think of putting on the breastplate of righteousness.  Ask God to help you to be fair and just today.  When you step into your shoes, know that you are called to bring God's peace and the joy of the gospel to everyone you meet today.  As you look in the mirror to fix your hair, imagine yourself putting on the helmet of salvation; ask God to give you the knowledge that your worth, value, and dignity come from him and from his Son!  Lastly, as you grab your keys to head out the door think of your key as the sword (yes I know it's tiny, but it's mighty :)) of the Spirit, Word of God; that you may become God's vehicle of love in this world. 

So go ahead and breathe.  Take a deep breath.  And today let God surprise you, let him take your breath away by the ways that he loves you; in the simple and in the ordinary. You are called to be a saint...do the ordinary things of life with extraordinary love -St. Therese of Lisieux

--Live Jesus--